Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince Catch Up
Unofficial Synopsis of The Story So Far for JK Rowling Rookies
Aug 6, 2009
As brilliant as the Harry Potter movies have been, they pale in comparison to the books, so any JK Rowling novice should really consider reading these first before they go anywhere near one of the films.
If, however, a person is hell bent on only seeing the latest blockbuster, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, but needs to know where the story is up to, then this is an unofficial, subjective interpretation of the preceding events:
From Mundane to Magical
Boy meets giant. Giant packs boy off to magic school. Boy meets swot and carrot top and all three become besty mates. Boy meets witches and wizards and Julie Walters. Witches and wizards meet famous celebrity, aka boy. Boy spends next few years unravelling mystery of how and why he became so famous. Boy meets baddie. Baddie killed boy's parents when boy was a baby. Boy and besty mates see off baddie.
Blame The Teachers
Boy meets his headmaster, Michael Gambon, and lank-haired weirdo Alan Rickman. Boy hates Alan Rickman. Alan Rickman hates boy. Michael Gambon bigs up Alan Rickman. Boy meets blond bully. Blondie hates boy and his besty mates. Alan Rickman likes blondie. The jury is out on the true character of Alan Rickman for next five years.
Boy meets besty mate's sister, also a carrot top. Besty mate's sister meets baddie. Boy rescues besty mate's sister from baddie (who is a book, deal with it) and spends five years trying not to fall in love.
The Godfather
Boy meets dog. Dog becomes boy's godfather. Godfather meets baddie. Boy loses dog. Boy meets school hunk who starts to go out with another girl that boy likes. School hunk meets baddie. Baddie's baddies kill school hunk. Boy finally gets girl. Girl behaves like a girl and loses boy.
Besty mates spend five years working out if they are just mates. Besty mate's ginger twin brothers leave sixth form early and start magic shop.
Baddies Seize Power
Boy, besty mates, besty mate's sister, other family and friends including some Hollywood stars meet more baddies including blondie's dad.
Baddie gets bigger. Baddie's baddies get out of jail. Helena Bonham Carter turns up in leather. Boy dates besty mate's sister. Boy loses besty mate's sister because it's too dangerous for her to hang around with baddie's sworn enemy.
Enough's Enough
Michael Gambon continues to insist on liking Alan Rickman. Boy loves Michael Gambon, who has a bowl in his office for pouring people's memories into and reading them.
Boy has it up to here with baddie and sets out to see him off once and for all. Headmaster uses some blue sky thinking about how best to roll out the anti-baddie scheme UK-wide.
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